


Justice League News

by SilverScyther



Series: PSA of Justice Universe [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons), Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Aquaman is just unlucky to be there, Batman is a jerk, Comedy, F/M, Messed up League, Nobody is heroic, PSA Justice, Superheroes, Superman is needy and awkward, Trying too hard, Wonder Woman is thirsty, justice league - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-16 07:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17545313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverScyther/pseuds/SilverScyther
Summary: The Justice league tries, and fails, to fill up the television channel Batman managed to procure. One of the programs is a poorly put together news program that could cover everything on the planet if they managed to finish one episode.





	1. Justice League News 1

**Author's Note:**

> All characters are widely out of character with no apologies.

"Hello this is Justice News, I'm Wonder Woman," Wonder Woman began in a professional tone, but she slipped into something uncomfortably suggestive when she added, "and this is my  _wonderful_  co-anchor, Batman"

"I am Batman, filling out the rest of our news crew are Superman the barely par weather man, Flash our high speed head reporter, the unpaid camera man Aquaman, and various other people I also choose not to pay. We will be bringing you the most important news from around the world in a professional and objective manner."

"Can I do the weather now?" Superman called from offscreen.

"Whatever, just go for it," Wonder woman called back. Batman simply sighed and nodded his consent.

"Um," Superman suddenly seemed nervous when the camera swung to him and the green screen currently showing the weather across the United States. "I'm Superman," he began despite having already been introduced, "and it's weather time. If you live on the East coast in the United States of America you will likely be dealing with wet rain for the next few days. Back to you Batman."

"Wet rain?" Wonder woman wondered aloud. "I'm not a meteorologist, but isn't it always wet or is wet rain somehow bad?"

"Better than dry rain," Batman deadpanned.

"Is it, though? And was that really the entire forecast?" She looked at Superman and back to Batman clearly thrown off by the fake weather jargon and poorly done forecasting.

"He's the weatherman, how should I know?" Batman replied settling his own gaze on Superman who was becoming more flustered.

"You know Batman, we could kiss under the wet rain. I could fly us there now," Wonder Woman started leaning in, but Batman held up a hand.

"Focus both of you." Batman hissed sharply, "Now Superman do you have anything to add or will I be disappointed?" Batman asked his voice becoming mild which could be worrisome in its own right.

"Um, right, uh, well the temperature will be hot in some places and cold in others, so wear a coat or don't depending on where you live. Back to you Batman," Superman once again tried to swing the focus away from himself and instead focused on looking at Batman with puppydog eyes as if begging him to save him from further time on camera.

"Good job," Batman replied in a tone that nobody could quite read.

"Really?" Superman called from off screen.

Batman chose not to respond instead he turned back to the camera, "We have received disturbing news that an accident occurred in Star City. Our head reporter Flash is on the scene as is our local Star City reporter, Green Arrow." Batman paused allowing the camera in Star City to sync with the studio giving him video feed of the Flash standing near a crater with Green Arrow fighting criminals in the background. "Flash what can you tell us about the incident?"

"Well it seems there was a break in at the city's central bank and the robbers had access to explosives which went off prematurely causing damage to the surrounding area before they were put into place. Green Arrow could tell you more, but he's busy," Flash shrugged.

"Thanks Flash at least one reporter knows what he's doing, I think I'll need to have a talk with our unpaid intern Green Arrow. We'll come back to you guys once you can get things together and not embarrass us," Batman sighed and at his signal the feed cut out.

Wonder Woman apparently was sick of being ignored and chose to cut in, "We recently had our very own Black Canary take to the streets to gather of opinions from the general public on who the best couple would be among the League Members. The results might not at all surprise you."

A video of Black Canary interviewing 'citizens' started playing and it quickly became apparent that it was manipulated. The video would randomly cut out whenever it seemed someone was about to say anyone other than Wonder Woman and Batman and the audio was replaced by a mechanical voice saying 'Wonder Woman and Batman forever'.

The last 'completely neutral citizen' was just Hawkwoman wearing a blond wig over her helmet, which kept sliding off while she was being interviewed. "In my honest opinion I believe that the beautiful Wonder Woman and the handsome Batman would make the best couple," she poorly tried to disguise her voice and completely ruined it by adding, "oh crap, I'm about to miss a League meeting," and flying away.

"Ugh," Batman groaned, "really?" He looked at Wonder Woman who looked far more proud than the situation warranted.

"Well it looks like we would be the perfect couple Batman even the public says so," She leaned in and Batman's face remained completely neutral. "Could it be fate?" She asked in a whisper just loud enough for the mic's to catch.

"I don't think so," Superman yelled from his section of the studio, "leave Batman alone."

"Your job is to do the weather, this is my time," Wonder Woman yelled back leaving Batman to lean on one arm and observe the fight blooming. "I think I'll steal some of Superman's time because I can say for sure that the studio is getting pretty hot," Wonder Woman looked back at Batman.

Batman's response was to raise one eyebrow and dryly reply, "It must be hot considering how thirsty you are."

"This is going swimmingly," the voice of Aquaman filtered in from behind the camera trying to join into the conversation.

"Shut up," Batman growled looking past the camera at a rapidly paling Aquaman. He took a slightly calming breath and continued, "or I will come back there and deal with you myself. You aren't paid to speak."

"None of us are paid," Superman pointed out.

Batman waved the comment off, "Regardless of the lack of pay, I expect complete silence from the camera man unless I speak to you first."

A small beep cut through the argument that was still going on between Superman and Wonder Woman. Batman glanced down and immediately after stood up, "Alright everyone that was your five o'clock news, I received a report that something is happening in Gotham that requires my attention and I don't trust any of you to do this alone."

"It's not even ten minutes past five, are we really stopping now?" Wonder Woman asked.

"Yes, shut it all down," Batman walked out of the studio leaving everyone else to close things.

"Please tune in again," Wonder Woman said folding her hands and watching Batman walk away with undisguised hunger in her eyes.


	2. Justice League news Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plenty of fighting very little reporting

"We're back with Justice News, I'm your anchorman Batman," Batman spoke in his usual gruff manner to the blinking camera.

"And I'm your co-anchor Wonder Woman here to bring you the world's news," Wonder Woman slyly tried to slide her hand over to Batman's who quickly pulled away leaving Wonder Woman's hand stretched towards nothing.

"I'm Superman," Superman called from off camera cutting Wonder Woman off just as she opened her mouth to speak.

"You have to wait for me to introduce you," Wonder Woman yelled back ignoring the fact that the camera was focused on her.

"I was afraid you were just going to try flirting with Batman and ignore me," Superman pouted slightly. It wasn't a crazy assumption, Wonder Woman tended to have a one-track mind when it came to getting what she wanted, usually that was Batman.

"It's not my fault he's hot," Wonder Woman glanced at Batman who seemed less than pleased at how things were starting up.

"Yes I'm extremely attractive that's been established, can we get through a few minutes without you messing something up?" Batman cut in sending a glare at both of his associates silencing them, "Let's start with the weather simply because I don't want to hear anymore chatter on my show."

"Technically it's our show," Wonder Woman put heavy emphasis on 'our'.

"No it's really not," Batman looked around her to Superman and continued in a bored tone, "Superman our weatherman extraordinaire please tell us the status of my world."

"Technically it's everyone's world, right?" Superman asked with a bit of confusion at Batman's sudden claim over all of earth.

"No, I own everything, including your jobs so you get to work and Wonder Woman be quiet," Batman spoke in a tone that didn't allow any denial or argument.

Superman mumbled something that sounded like, "yes sir" and Wonder Woman just commented on how hot it was when he was commanding. With a roll of his eyes Batman gestured for the camera to turn to Superman and begin his weather report. Aquaman swung the camera to Superman who was still uncomfortable in front of the camera despite his insistence on being on the show. It wasn't a difficult job, Superman could refer to literally anywhere in the world so there wasn't a lack of choices.

"So it's cold in Russia, you should bundle up," Superman didn't really know how to use the green screen map so he stood without pointing. Technically that wasn't very specific weather, but it was something.

"That doesn't matter it's always cold in Russia, they're already bundled up," Wonder Woman was still annoyed at Superman and wasn't afraid to let him know.

"You don't know Russia, you can't speak for the Russian people," Superman rushed to defend the Russian population.

"Anything else, is there some wet rain anywhere?" Batman asked before Wonder Woman could argue back, he smirked at the embarrassment on Superman's face.

"Yes wet rain is everywhere, but there are also other things happening," Superman trailed off not entirely sure where to go next.

"Such as?" Batman had to coax Superman into doing his job and he found a disturbing amount of humor in Superman's difficulties.

"Well there's um," Superman paused and after a few moments of silence he started whining, "I want to switch jobs, I don't like being a weatherman." Superman's report apparently concluded, he had no idea what he was doing and wasn't a fan of being laughed at.

"You signed a contract saying that I would choose your position and decide what you do," Batman reminded him all traces of amusement gone.

"No, I didn't," Superman sounded more confused than upset.

"Oh, I guess I signed it for you," Batman shrugged, "Regardless I get to make all executive decisions on this program, but do tell what job would you prefer?"

"I rather be an anchor," Superman grumbled, "I don't like the weather."

"Yes, I suppose warning people about natural disasters is beneath you," Batman nodded, "who cares about incoming hurricanes?"

"No, I didn't mean it like that, you should get someone else to do it and let me do another job," Superman flailed.

"Oh, so you're saying I should fire Wonder Woman so you can take her job?" Batman asked in a deceptively mild voice allowing his eyes to fall onto Wonder Woman who immediately stood up.

"Excuse me!" She half screeched, "A third-rate weatherman is not replacing me, you better back off or I will end you."

"Oh dear, a fight is breaking out in the studio what a tragedy," Batman said a slight smirk tugging at his lips as he watched Wonder Woman leap to attack Superman off screen. "I'd dock their pay, but I don't pay them," Batman pulled out a communicator and spoke into it, "Could you come to the studio, my two esteemed colleagues managed to get into a fight."

"Sure," a voice said from Batman's side, "I'll step in."

Wonder Woman was too busy attacking Superman for threatening to take her position to notice the Flash was currently occupying her seat next to Batman. "So what're we doing Bats?"

"First I'm getting security to take those two out," Batman said before yelling, "Security, remove those two from the premises."

Captain Marvel and Green Lantern stormed in to grab the irate Wonder Woman and Superman whose own temper had finally been flared. "Batman likes me better anyway we're friends," he yelled at Wonder Woman who threw a chair at him in retaliation which he easily blocked.

"You're just a fanboy, Batman wants me," Wonder Woman punched him across the room.

"Sure that's why he's constantly trying to get away from you," Superman shot lasers from his arms which were reflected off Wonder Woman's bracelets. They ended up tearing through the room.

"Security, go," Batman repeated trying to get semblance of control. He was starting to realize that provoking the two powerhouses wasn't his greatest plan. Now he was watching a four way battle as his set was torn to pieces.

Flash seemed to think it was cool rather than actually worrying, "People love fighting, you're going to get such high ratings, Bats."

"Enough!" He yelled, "I am Batman and you will all obey me."

The rarity of him actually yelling gave everyone in the room pause. His voice dropped dangerously, "Clean up and if I hear a word from anyone I will destroy you, got it?" His question was met with a few mute nods. "And For God's sake Aquaman turn off the camera," with a flourish of his cape he stormed out of the room leaving silence in his wake.

"Thanks for watching we'll see you tomorrow," Superman awkwardly waved before the camera finally shut off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is complete please let me know what you thought by leaving a comment or kudos. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is born from a chapter of my story "Public Service Announcements of Justice" if you want to see the origins check chapter nine.


End file.
